by Anton Wills-Eve

<a href=””>Nothin’ But A Good Time</a>

Clint Eastwood has  told us how to “Make my Day”,here’s a story of how my friend’s day recently wasn’t made. 


I will always remember the joy that rang out round Roy and Patricia’s house in mid-October 2002 when ‘Trish’, as everyone called her, brought her lovely twin daughters, Sarah and Janet, home from the maternity hospital, just five days old. The couple were some years younger than my wife and I but Roy, then 21, played cricket for the same club as our youngest son who was in the juniors, so we all knew each other as neighbours do.

Well None of us are millionaires but we were well enough off to have our children educated at good, reasonably expensive schools. It soon became obvious as the twins grew up that they were very bright as well as pretty and popular with adults and other children as well. Mind you, identical twin attractive girls would always have started life with an advantage.

But, as I have said our son was some 12 years older than them and so never really played or socialised with them except at family friends’ parties at Christmas and occasional birthdays. But he did know the older brothers of boys whose little sisters were at Sarah and Janet’s school. By all accounts Roy and Trish had given life to a pair of geniuses. Between the ages of four and eleven they came top in everything and were also really good tennis and hockey players.

Under the UK education system you often change school at the start of the school year beginning in the September after your eleventh birthday, for obvious reasons. But even if you go to an expensive, private school where you are educated from four to eighteen, at eleven the school buildings are kept apart with separate playing fields etc between them. This was the case in the top girls school where Sarah and Janet had been sent.

Often the classes that taught the eleven to thirteen year-olds were called middle schools to distinguish them from the junior or preparatory schools and the senior school where they could stay to eighteen or nineteen. Well this summer Trish and Roy were on edge waiting for the girls’ school reports for the end of their first full year in the middle school. There they would have started all the subjects they would carry on doing as they chose for seven years. They wanted to see how clever the twins really were as the half yearly exams had seen them really shine.

The one non-academic subject that all girls started that year, the school had to get parents’ permission, was called Personal Hygene (PH) lessons, which covered all aspects of female pubescent development. In fact all the parents were quite happy with the five sessions in the year. But, as with all subjects they of course had ‘PH’ exams in it.

Well Trish was at home on her own the day that the twins rushed in after their lessons with the envelopes which had their exam results and teachers’ reports in them. The parent or guardian had to see them first.

“Mummy, mummy which of us did best? Please mummy.” Trish opened the exam envelope first and just stared. She could not believe it. Comparing both sets of marks and grades Janet had come first in six subjects and Sarah in the other six. And they were both second in all the rest. Except one, in which they had each been given 100%. Trish hugged them and was over the moon until she looked at the equal first, maximum marks exam. It was PH. A little disturbed, she asked her daughters,

“Do you two discuss this subject a lot between you?” The girls blushed.

“Mummy”, piped up Sarah, “you see Priscilla and Karen had this great idea. You know the day games were washed out by that storm? Well nine of us went round to their empty house and watched two hours of hard porn on the internet. It was great. But our teacher, Miss Frobisher, said she didn’t understand most of our exam answers, asked the headmistress what they meant, fainted, and has resigned. The head marked the papers and she said she’s written to you personally in another envelope.”