A PLANE RELATIONSHIP
by Anton Wills-Eve
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my wife really does do all this!
A PLANE RELATIONSHIP
I adore my wife and she still adores me
She’s fifty seven and I’m sixty three.
So, with Jane’s next birthday coming up soon
I wanted to buy a present really in tune
With everything she likes doing best of all
I hope I’ve passed. I’m awaiting her call.
Now Jane isn’t the same as most other gals,
She loves our kids and gets on with the our pals,
No, it’s her work and hobby that’s rather odd
She’s obsessed with getting ever closer to God.
Not a religious nut or anything strange or queer,
My wife’s an aeronatuical designer and engineer.
Her working life’s spent designing helicopters,
And flying old planes and even gyrocopters.
The first female in England to gain a Ph.D
In frightening the living daylights out of me.
I’d enjoyed four hundred odd flights before we met
But since that day I’ve not enjoyed a single one yet.
She told me in detail all that could go wrong
When taking off, landing or the whole flight long.
She knew all the ways an aeroplane could crash
And the chances of surviving even if you splash
Down in the sea and somehow get out of the ‘kite’
There is often the fear of a killer shark bite.
She loves all planes, but not like she loves me
So today my son’s driving her, she thinks, to see
An air display. But guess my secret present for Jane
Yes! an hour flying herself in an ancient bi-plane.
She’ll be flying all alone in the great blue yonder
While I’m left alone at home to wonder and ponder
All she’s told me could cause her plane to stall
With only her parachute left to break her fall.
But I know she’ll be in heaven while she’s up there,
Or go straight back to heaven if she doesn’t take care.
No, I shouldn’t worry at her unusual enjoyment
There is far more boring feminine employment.
So when she gets home and thanks me proper,
And probably asks me to buy her her own ‘chopper’,
Hang on, my phone, it’s my son…. “Mum’s what?!
Crashed on landing, not hurt, but you think a lot
Of damage to the plane as she made three passes.
You’re joking! She was flying without her glasses?”
That night, remorseful, but overjoyed and thrilled
Jane apologised for nearly getting herself killed.
“But darling, she added, as she snuggled up to me,
I had an awful lot of fun and suffered no injury.
The insurance covered it all, and I suffered no pain.
They return the £ 300 flight fee, so could I do it again?”