Cosi Fan (almost) Tutte
by Anton Wills-Eve
tears in the sense of ‘ in a hurry’ not weeping (hope your Mozart’s good enough for the title!)
Cosi Fan (almost) Tutte
John’s hesitant speech and terrible stutter
Belied the kind heart which could never utter
The words he really wanted so much to say,
And phrase in an acceptable and loving way.
The girls he knew, and who knew each other,
Treated him like an annoying, younger brother
Always bothering them with an unfinished word
And gestures of despair, which they all found absurd.
So Jane and Cathy, with kim, Liz and Anne,
Decided to find out if he was a mouse or a man.
They hatched a vile plot to tease him rotten,
First appearing attracted then leaving him forgotten.
Jane was the first to have a go at poor John,
Telling him he was handsome, not laying it on
Too thick, just letting him wonder if it could be true
That a girl actually liked him. But what should he do?
She said she would meet him behind the school gym
But just went on her way, oh how she hurt him!
John could not fathom why people wanted to make fun
In this way of any boy. What on earth had he had done
To hurt or harm in any malicious, mean, way,
Girls he liked but to whom he could not say
That his heart beat as normally as any other young boy?
Why, oh why did they treat him like a cast off old toy?
He waited an hour then went home alone.
But was stopped by Cathy’s really bitchy tone,
“Hi John. Jane ditched you? What did you expect?
Think that she’d kiss you, you pathetic reject?”
And after this minx had covered him in shame,
Kim stopped him next, shouting out his name.
“John, want a cuddle? Some hopes for you mate!
“Why you can’t even ask a girl out for a date.”
His response was so fierce it stopped her quite still.
“N–n–no, I kn—kn–know I cc—can’t: BUT I W-W-WILL!”
At this point Liz appeared, and wiggled her hips,
Taunting poor John with her pursed, pouting lips.
He raced to his door and went quickly inside.
“Think you’re safe here? Home’s nowhere to hide!”
Smiling, Anne teased him, “Earlier I copied your key.
Now, come on lover boy, it’s just you and me!”
Anne had no way of knowing just how deeply John felt
A real love for her, but with the cards he’d been dealt,
Could not show his passion, the words would not come;
Then his brain finally snapped. He was no longer dumb!
“Go on. Mock me, make fun of me. That’s if you dare,
But beware of me Anne. You see, never did I care
For anyone but you and,as you just walked in here,then
I assume that you want me, so come on up to my den.”
And there, ‘mid his books, tablet, laptop and all
He crushed her in an embrace, but Anne did not call
For help. No, she just passionately kissed and caressed
The most wonderful boy she’d ever held to her breast.
“What’s happened John? You can talk and you’re great.
I love you so much, but I am afraid it’s getting late.”
“Well my parents are away so now it’s all up to you.
You’re welcome to stay, that’s if you’d really like to.”
She took out her mobile and told mum not to worry,
She was going to be late and of course would not hurry
Back until morning, it was quite usual for them all.
Then turned off her phone to block any incoming call.
John listened, delighted, and took her in his arms again
To spend the night showing her he was one of the men.
And lovestricken Anne never told Jane,Liz,Cathy or Kim
How much they had missed by making cruel fun of him.