BORIS AURORA ANUS
by Anton Wills-Eve
talk about causing a storm!
BORIS AURORA ANUS
When Britain voted to leave the EU on June 23/24 I was gutted. All my European friends were betrayed and left in penury because they could no longer rely on Britain financially sustaining them. I have changed my mind after today. Why?
It was rigged. Yes, we all know the campaign for the leave referendum were rigged, but nobody, absolutely nobody, knew how well or by how much. David Cameron wanted to retire for personal and family reasons so he got some buddies together and did this. Or something like it.
“Hey, Teresa you want to be Prime Mistress darling?”
“Who, me. David. How? You’re mad.”
“Listen darling it goes like this. I get Boris, the most brilliant politician in the Western world, to follow up his eight years as Mayor of London by pretending to lead a ludicrous Brexit campaign. He sees the plot, loves it, chuckles and agrees. Not only that, he’s so convincing he wins!”
“But why me. David?”
“Darling, don’t you see? You know my mate George, the one who’s had a royal baby named after him and been running the country’s finances for six years, wants a rest. Then it’s easy. I ask my mate Phil Hammond if he’d like to be the Chancellor of the Exchquer and he says ‘when’. Not why but when! He’s gagging for it, he’s fed up with being Foreign minister. Then it’s easy. Brexit wins, I resign, the party immediately sees it has to elect my successor at once. All the nasty Brexiteers get the bullet, and you as Home Secretary are the best choice for PM because I’ve told you it’s a doddle, and you love the idea. But you’ll have to agree to this. Phil gets finance, two people I can’t stand are given the jobs of negotiating any Brexit deals we might pretend to start and the financing of them, so they’ll be out in no time too.
“Then, after the stool pigeon woman no one wants, resigns from the leadership race and leaves you unchallenged, I must slip her something for that by the way, everything is Hunky Dory. We have a Tory government for four more years, a token woman PM, Phil gets the exchequer, you get the glory and the genius Boris becomes chief diplomatic negotiator with the rest of the world.
“Luvvy, we went to school together. Believe me, he’s the cleverest man in the country. And of course it will cause an awful storm in the Labour party!”